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*xAngelDust89xX
writes:Everyone i have met says you cannot spoil a baby, and all the magazines say it too. But the only way i can get my 3 monht old daughter to stop crying is to hold her. If i let her cry she falls asleep after an hour or two (i check on her every 5-10 mins)but i feel horrible! I know it is supossed to be good for her lungs and all that but i hate it! She crys constantly unless shes eating or sleeping, and i cant ever get anything done!! What im really asking is if it is bad for babbies to be allwoed to cry. I know if you go to them it supposed to build trust but if you let them cry they learn how to self soothe Im lost!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, abbeymom  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I know this situation can create a lot of anxious feelings. But babies that young you have to remember were soothed by the sound of your heartbeat, and the comfort and closeness of your womb.
My son who is now 2 always wanted snuggles to fall asleep. It helped calm him. Your baby needs the closeness and despite crying being good for their lungs I don't feel you are spoiling her by holding her until she's asleep.
One thing you can do is buy a swaddle strap. I used it when my son was very young. It goes over the should like a sling, baby goes inside, and you can do things while they are sleeping, but make sure you check their breathing so their airway is always open.
I use to vacuum and do dishes and stuff while swaddling him on him shoulder and he snuggled into me. It was great. Besides, eventually they outgrow this stage and trust me you'll be missing me.
Where spoiling comes in is when they are like my son's age now. 2 year old's will cry at night want to sleep with you and setting good bed time rules is important. My son constantly tries to trick us into sleeping with him or vice versa and it's only because he misses the closeness.
But instead of giving in. We put him to bed, say good night, and let him know we are here.
A baby is different. So hold her all you want. All you will be doing is loving her. And if she is crying all the time she could be having gas, and rubbing her back and feeling your body close to hers is soothing.
Hope this helps...
~ Abbeymom
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reader, Serinity +, writes (30 January 2008):
 I've heard the same thing but I still held my babies until they fell asleep and then I'd put them in their beds. When they're that little I don't really thing it has a long term effect on them. I couldn't stand to hear my babies cry, it would knot up my insides and make me feel anxious. As they got older I let them cry more when I put them down, but if they didn't fall asleep within 1 hour I would let them up. It's all preference. Good luck!
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