A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My daughter of 30 and my 4yrs 8mths grandson live at home with me and my husband. For the past two years my grandson hasn't woken up in his own bed. I have spoken to my daughter on and off in the respect that it would be good to try and encourage him to sleep in his own bed but he always gets up sometime during the night and ends up sleeping with her. Over the last couple of months this has escalated to the point where he says he doesn't like his bedroom and asks if he can sleep in mine or my daughters bed. It's now at the point where he will watch some television in mine, then move to my daughter's bed to watch some more television and then fall to sleep in my daughter's bed. Sometimes she moves him to his bed and sometimes she leaves him to sleep in her bed all night. He will be starting school in September and over the last few weeks my daughter and I have been arguing about this. My feelings are that he should be encouraged to sleep in his own bed and if he gets up in the night should be put back into his own bed. I'm worried that he will still be doing this when he starts school. I'd also say that when he started saying he didn't like his bedroom I asked him why and he said he didn't like the green on the walls. I asked him what colour he would like them to be and he said yellow. We bought some yellow paint and as me and my husband work full time asked my daughter to strip the border on the walls and prepare them so that we can paint his room. After 6 weeks this still hasn't been done.This is the only time we have fallen out over what is happening to my grandson as my daughter doesn't like us to interfere with what she is doing.Please could you let me know your thoughts.Many thanks.Stevie Reply to this Question
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reader, rcn  + ♥, writes (17 January 2008):
 It's not the best to interfere with a parent and a child. By doing so, the parent feels as if they are less adequate to take care of their child, and the child seeing that starts to see their parent with less authority as well. Aparently you see things different from your daughter with your grandson. Your rules may be different from hers, but does that make either one right or wrong. Not really, you may both be right or may both be wrong, what you need to do is respect the differences. Now it is your house, and by the combattive stability this child is receiving, which I'm sure is really causing him confusion, you need to lay down the weapons and have a parent to parent discussion with your child about her child. Not placing blame or judgement on how she does things, that causes problems. Negative actions always produce negative responses. Let her know you both love your grandson, but in order to benefit him to the best of both of your abilities, you need to compromise and come up with a set of rules you both agree upon. This child needs stability, and in order to get there, the first step is to get on the same page with everyone regarding this child.Take care.
A
female
reader, skye +, writes (10 August 2007):
 Hello Stevie,
Im sorry that you have fallen out with your daughter over this issue that you obviously feel quite strongly about. I agree that you should not interfer in how a good mother raises her child, but I also understand your concerns.
Your grandson needs stability in his life, especially now as he embarks upon his first year at school. Explain to your daughter calmly that you do not want the other children to tease him should he speak to them of sleeping in his mummys/grannys bed. Children can be very cruel. Ask her what she thinks of your new "idea". Ask her to spare a day this weekend with you, your husband and her son to paint his bedroom walls. In the morning get the little boy some stensils of safari animals or whatever he likes (allow him to choose) and some paint tester pots. These things call be picked up cheeply and easily in any DIY store. go for lunch to somewhere your grandson is allowed to choose, then in the afternoon paint his bedroom walls and allow him to help. When the paint has dried allow your grandson to so the stensils himself using the different coloured tester pots. So what if they turn out a bit wonky? At least he will have pride in his new room and is more likely to want to sleep there. It wont take nearly as long as you think, especially with you all doing the work. Modern paints are great. They are also easily cleaned up afterwards with ordinary water. Believe me...ive just decorated my entire house!
Im sure your daughter will agree to this. You will get the job done and your grandson will have a great time! The room will truely be his.
If he still wants to sleep in your beds after the redocoration, then agree with your daughter before hand what you plan to do about it. Something like this might work:
1st time, tell him its bedtime and put him back in his room, tuck him in and give him his kiss "night night".
2nd time, simply say bedtime, put him back into bed and tuck him in.
3rd and any subsequent times, say nothing, just put him back to his own bed.
Agree to do this every time until he stays in his own bed all night. This should meet with your daughters approval.
I hope this can be of some help to you.
Best wishes,
Skye
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