A  ,
anonymous
writes:hey guys n gals.im an aunt on here but i wish to remain anon.my question is on behalf of a member of my family.lets call her lauren.lauren has an 8year old daughter who has just recently told her that she has been sexually abused by one of laurens ex's.lauren has done everything she can think of she has been to the police.tried to reassure her daughter that she will makes sure that it never happens again.in a way lauren is partly to blame for this as she knew her ex had been in prison for abusing children in the past but still let this beast get close to her children.laurens daughter is suffering psychologically. it happened 12 months ago but now that it is out in the open she is not sleepin and is scared that this beast is going to come back to do it again. she is refusing to go to school and has suffered from depression in the past which has obviously been because of the abuse.again lauren has tried to reassure her but nothing seems to be working. she has asked her daughter if she would like to go n see a doctor (psychologist) that she can talk to who will help her, but she is refusing to speak to anyone about it.i know these things take time but lauren is at her witts end.she feels utterly guilty that she trusted this man and let him into her daughters like, her daughter referes to this man as 'HIM' she will not say his name.i was just wondering if there was anything that lauren could do to help her daughter as she is not willing to talk to anyone n it is going to build up inside her again.please helpthanx anon xxx Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Charmedone +, writes (15 August 2006):
 at this age children don't have options, opinions yes. But what Lauren needs to do is get her daughter to a doc and as soon as possible i know this must be really hard for lauren to take in her daughter needs to talk to someone about this as it will build up inside of her and eventually explode the best thing you and Lauren can do at the moment is just be there for her and hopefully she will come to you when she is ready to open up and talk about she may feel that you may be ashamed of you you just need to reassure her that it wasn't her fault in any way means or form
A
female
reader, chazx +, writes (24 July 2006):
 hi anon
i think that you should be there for your neice and so should lauren i think that it would maybe help to see a doctor if she is really bad so scared she cant sleep.
keep her eating and try and keep her in the light sa long as you can bec ause hiding herself away may make her more depressed and she will end up being highly anti social and you we dont want that.
she needs to talk about it but let her do it in her own time because these things cant be rushed ok.
just let her come to you or lauren ok!
Good Luck i hope this has helped a bit.
whereas dont let lauren blame herself its not her fault ok!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): At this point, her daughter doesn't have an option, an opinion yes, but no options-Mom needs to get her to a psychologist and fast.
Lauren has undergone a GREAT TRAUMATIC event and she needs intervention. This event has effected her and she will struggle with it for the rest of her young life as well as into adulthood. Coping skills now is to her benefit.
Mom should have remorse over excercising poor judgement in letting such a man who was arrested of being a child predator in his home-most predators do not want to change and will offend again.
Good job on alerting the police and having them involved; I am surprised they didn't tell her to get her to a child psychologist.
"Lauren" needs help and mom and you are not as capable as helping her as a child psychologist is.
It's time for mom to schedule an appointment with a child psychologist and take her dauther out to lunch and reassure her that she loves her, that the man was wrong to do what he did, it was not her fault, and that she needs someone to talk to and Mom found her someone to talk about anything she feels comfortable with. ( I suggest a female counsellor as a man will only have Lauren terrified)
"Lauren" has had her world change and now sees the world as a dangerous, unsafe, unloving place and she will have trust issues with Mom for allowing that to occur in the family's home; a place that is to be a haven from the outside world.
Mom needs to do what I suggest this day and you need to support Mom and Lauren.
Mom needs some counselling as well as this whole incident needs to be discussed.
Lauren may be unresponsive and unwilling at first, but with time and a developing sense of trust in her Psychologist---she will talk; and start to deal and cope with this horrid event.
My all goes out to you and your family in this great time of need. Be strong. ACT.
*hugs*
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female
reader, DrPsych + ♥, writes (14 July 2006):
 Both parent and child require specialist counselling - social services should be able to point her in the direction of the local family therapy centre. Many families affected by abuse need to talk it over. She shouldn't ask the girl if she wants to see a psychologist or doctor (because that makes it seem like something is 'wrong' with her) but perhaps suggest that they both go along for a 'chat' with someone who knows all about these things. An 8 year old is not cognitively mature enough to make decisions about their therapeutic needs. Child psychologists like myself have been specially trained to get children to open up and discuss all sorts of issues. Early sessions may not even feel like therapy - they may ask the girl to draw pictures and talk about them, and they can offer support to the mother too.
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A
female
reader, ThePixie +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Perhaps taking her to therapy (with a specialist child psychologist) would help. Lauren could tell her daughter she is going to see the doc, but that if she doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to and to just give it a try. Child therapists are very good in this area and understand a child will not open up straight away, they also have ways of helping the child express their feelings without having to talk ie through drawing, dolls etc. It could really help her daughter work through what she's feeling and she might find her daughter responds better than she thought she would. Finding a good therapist is key though.
On the home front Lauren can only be there as much as possible for her daughter. Let her know when she wants to she is there for her, and above all that it was not her daughters fault in any way and lauren does not think badly of her in any way for what happened.
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female
reader, sammie +, writes (6 July 2006):
 hya i think it is hard when it comes to things like this i think that the only thing she can do is be there for her no matter what be the shoulder to cry on and be there when she does want to talk because she will one day and when she does she will need someone whoo will listen and listen good because it will all come out it is just time that you need because these things do take time and i no its hard but aslong as she nos you are there and that when she is ready you are there for her then thats the cest thing possible i hope this helps samx
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