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female
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anonymous
writes: hello there sent a question before but i think i sent it to the wrong site, my fault sorry! ive got a teenager wel hes 12 goiung on 25 at the min,hes so horrible to me he thinks im a doormat,hes only ever nice when hes after something and if he doesnt get it well am such a bad motherand if things dont go his way well the same thing happens hes like kevin off kevin and perry.hes a clever boy well mannerd and a little charmer with the girls but with me he can be the kid from hell does anybody have any advice please as iv tryed everything and you dont get an instruction manual when there born do you ....thanks Reply to this Question |
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reader, childcare consultant +, writes (25 July 2006):
Being a 12 yr old can be a stressful time (personal experience) however as an adult you have many skills that your son may be interested in (how to use a credit card for example) but also you can get him to show you some respect by allowing him to organise his own life (The freedom factor is amazing) for example , if he would like to go to a football match get him to fully organise ( except for payment ) exery aspect of the trip out , it will help him understand how much effort you put into his enjoyment generally.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (6 July 2006):
 Raising children alone is a challenging task and I commend you, dear. Single mom's have to be especially strong and stoic, to guide their children to becoming mature, happy adults. Children test the rules in a family and parents are always the first to feel the affects. While it's great that he respects others, he especially needs to respect you. You are the 'only person' he depends on to providing a happy, structured, safe home with rules and direction. One problem you mention, is that you have been his 'friend'. I think it's wonderful that you have been close in the past, but kids need a 'parent'...not a 'friend'. The problem with being a 'friend' to a kid, is they get confused and feel unsafe when a parent seemingly (in his mind) abdicates their parental role, which in a kid's mind, leaves no one in charge. He needs to depend on you for guidance, moral direction and discipline. There needs to be consequences to his disrespectful behaviour. (eg: grounding, taking a priviledge away, etc) I also cannot stress enough to you how consistancy is the key. Kids will test the rules all the time. You need to always let him know that if he acts up, you will follow through on a consequence. He is in greater danger because of his inclination to test the limits and scale the walls. Don't let your son get too far from you emotionally. Love him-understand-stay in touch-but set boundries. He wants that-he needs that. Don't write him off and throw your hands in the air- even when every impulse is to do just that. He needs you now more than ever before. Give him time to find himself, even if he appears not to be searching.Your utmost diligence and wisdom will be required to deal with him If you fail to understand his lust for power and independence, you can exhaust your resources and bog down in guilt. It will benefit no one. Either find another counselor that specializes in teen problems or consider 'Tough Love'-it's dedicated to helping parents regain the upper hand in their own homes. Their basic philosophy is one of confrontation that is designed to bring a belligerent, disrespecful teenager to his or her senses. You might give them a call. To do nothing is to risk the unthinkable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): Thanks for the reply your totaly right,dad isnt on the seen and i know ive got to guide the reighns at this point or should i say keep tight hold of them, weve been to a councilar if thats spelt right,and she was no good just thought he was a very bright lad,and it must be hard for him.she just doesnt understand where im coming from,you love your child more than you love life itself and always will and you only ever want him to do his best and he does. but i cant get through to him that yes he does respect others that i need a little respect as well we used to be so close probably was more like a freind than a mam...
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female
reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (5 July 2006):
You have a HUGE problem. You do not have your son’s respect. It's the kind of respect that causes him to honor your parental decisions even though he does not like them. You really are going to need help. If you cannot keep him in line at twelve, he will be totally unmanageable at fifteen and sixteen. I cannot impress upon you how you need to act quickly and decisively. If his father is anywhere in the picture, pull him in and get his support..you both need to be a strong team and a young man needs guidance from a strong, caring father or some other male role model like an uncle or grandfather. Get yourself into family counseling with someone who can help you regain and maintain your authority. There is a program that is wonderful and helps parents regain their footing in family issues..it's called 'ToughLove'. It's been proven to be successful...please consider this.
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