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female
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greenham
writes: I have a 6 year old son who regularly soils his pants. He basically just wont go to the loo and holds onto the faces thus causing him to soil. I have been to the GP in the past who suggested laxatives that would make him unable to hold onto the faeces and rush to the loo. But with a family medical history of bowel cancer, crohns and IBS i dont like to do this. he is not constipated so thats not the problem. He has a good diet. Ive tried positive and negative reinforcement. star charts and rewards. Bought pants with his favourite characters in an attempt to persuade him to sit on the loo rather than soil his pants. I worry that the children at school will smell him and tease him. I worry about the health implications of straining his bowel and sphincter. I'm at my wits end........ and he knows it! help! Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): i wish i could help you too my son is 6 and has the same problem and we have been to every docter posoble and still with no change im totally at my wits end and my sons self esteem is really affected
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2006): My mum is a nurse and she swears by movicol for kids. Ask your GP if he prescribes it.
Hope this helps
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female
reader, goldilox +, writes (11 September 2006):
I forgot to address the issue of:
"He basically just wont go to the loo and holds onto the faeces thus causing him to soil."
It may appear that this is what is happening, and they thought my son was doing this as well. But I was told by the GP that IF this is the case, it's because his body can't tell when he needs to go, and therefore his body holds on - so it's not a concious thing.
This is very important, as it means he has no concious control over it - which is why negitive reinforcement won't work, and will in fact make things much worse. The regular toilet sessions half an hour after breakfast (and preferably a warm drink), after school and before bath or bed will help his body get into the habit of going regularly.
Regarding:
"I have been to the GP in the past who suggested laxatives that would make him unable to hold onto the faeces and rush to the loo."
I would seriously not give him laxatives. I would perhaps try and get a second oppinion on that. But if you try the management and prevention tips I mentioned (regular checks, etc.) you may find that helps.
It's also important for me to mention that it may take a long time. My son is now 10 years old. If you expect it to take time, but with positive improvement slowly, and it dissapears sooner, it will be a nice surprise. So do expect it to take time.
Also, it's difficult to not let previous frustrations come out, especially if you've used some negative reinforement in the past. It helps to look at it as a brand new start from now.
Hope this helps.
All the best x
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reader, goldilox +, writes (10 September 2006):
Hi Greenham. This is a very frustrating problem. I know. My son suffers from the same thing. He has been taken to a variety of medical professionals, including psychologists, but they have found no medical or psychological reason for it.
However, it has improved, and is now almost gone - it now happens only very seldom, and even then, it's not much.
Here's my advice, based on what I've experienced:
It's vital not to use any "negitive reinforcement". And don't show disgust. (That one might be difficult, but trust me it's very very important you don't let him feel you're disgusted)
It's also vital to know this is not something he does on purpose, and not something he does just to be naughty. There WILL be a reason for it, and if it's not medical it will be emotional. Has there been any upheaval in his life? New siblings or anything else?
My GP told me to not make a fuss of it. She said he will grow out of it, but it must be played down.
I was also worried about school, and that he would be teased, so what I did was I put a spare pair of underwear in a sealable plastic bag in his school bag. This meant my son could surreptitiously change at school and put the dirty ones in the sealed bag, so no-one knew. The first time he used this, when he came home from school he said "Mum, that works really well, thank you." I was so relieved, because it meant he had some control.
Now, sometimes he genuinely didn't know his underwear was dirty - which is where the regular checks come in. I suggested he pop to the bathroom at break and lunchtime even if he didn't need to "go", just to check his underwear.
I also bought big packs of cheap underwear from the supermarket, and if the soiling was bad, I simply threw the underwear away. It's really worth the small extra expense to not have to wash it ; )
I also get him to go to the bathroom about 20 minutes before leaving for school, specially to check underwear, and to try and "go". I give him a comic as well so he's not in a hurry to leave the bathroom. He resisted a few times in the begining, saying he didn't need to go, and that he wouldn't soil. To this, I asked him "Do you do it deliberately?", he said "No", and I answered, "Then sweetie, you can't say you won't do it, can you. Because if you don't do it on purpose, you can't "not do it"" : )
He had to accept this logic, and grudgingly went to the bathroom (but at least he went ; )
The GP had said a warm drink after breakfast would help him to "go" before he goes to school, but my son didn't like warm drinks then, so we had to do without, but if your son likes a warm drink, that maybe worth a try.
Try to make sure there's plenty of time between breakfast and leaving for school. I give my son breakfast first thing, and then he gets dressed and ready for school after that, so there's about 45 minutes between breakfast and leaving for school giving a bit more time for the bowels to do their thing before we leave.
I also get him to do the same check when he gets home from school, and then again before his bath (we sometimes used to have accidents in the bath until we introduced this routine).
I also get him to check his pyjamas just before bedtime to make sure they're not marked, and again in the morning as soon as he gets up. With all these checks, I make sure I treat it as a normal routine - like brushing his teeth. There is no emotion attached to it, it's simply a case of it's time to do the check.
I make sure there's always spare clean pyjamas and underwear available.
I also keep a small sealable plastic bag with a spare pair of underwear in my handbag - so I've always got a change for him when we're out. When we have to use it, I replace it straight away so that I don't get caught without them next time ; ) In these situations, I always throw the underwear away, as of course I don't fancy the idea of carrying dirty underwear in my handbag - even if the bag is sealed ; )
Now, the soiling has reduced dramatically, and is very seldom, and usually only when he is under stress or over- tired, and even then, it's more marks mostly, rather than full sessions.
Hang in there - it is worth it, and it's essential not to blame him for it, or show disgust - these will only lead to him trying to hide it, feeling unable to tell you about it, and add to the stress - which may make the soiling even worse. Showing disgust will also erode his self-esteem and give him the message HE is disgusting - he won't be able to separate the soiling from his sense of self. He will believe it is part of who he is. And that can of course lead to all sorts of other behavioural problems.
Remember he's not doing it on purpose, and if he is, then you need to find out why, because it's an indication of emotional pain. It's not normal to soil deliberately, and it would be a sign of psychological or emotional trauma, not to be naughty or controlling. So it's important to be compassionate.
Try to look at it in a lighter way (I know it's difficult, but I hope the above suggestions will help with that).
Please do come back and ask any other questions etc.
I'm very glad to have the opportunity to help someone else in this situation, as I've been so grateful with the improvements my son has made.
You're not alone, even if you don't have any more questions, but just want to let off steam, do feel free to do so to me - I'm someone who knows exactly what it's like : )
All the very best
Goldilox
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