A
female
age
41-50,
*om2kole
writes:How do I keep my son from telling people he hates them? My son is 3 years, 4 months old. He is exceptionally bright, charismatic, and charming. When he is in trouble, he goes to the "naughty step" for 2-3 minutes. Recently, he protests, "No, YOU go to the naughty step." Then yesterday, he said, "I hate you!" when I told him to go to the naughty step. My mom called me this morning to let me know he told her that he hated her when she tried getting him out of the bathtub. He begins school in August, and I want to stop this "hate thing" before he alienates people. Reply to this Question
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reader, mom2kole +, writes (3 August 2007):
mom2kole is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for taking the time to respond! He doesn't say "I hate you anymore"!! By hugging him and telling him "I love you" in response (like you suggested), he seemed irritated, but he obviously wasn't getting the response he expected, and he dropped it! I feel like I should be writing a check instead of just a thank you!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): your son is pushing buttons to see what you react to.
the naughty step is a fantastic invention which i used with my 17year old daughter all those years ago.
when he tells you he hates you, as my daughter did(and i think all kids say it at least once), just say "thats nice dear" and say to him, "i dont hate you - i love you." but keep him on the naughty step if he's on it for the remainder of his time out as he is trying to deflect. and every time he says hate you - you reply with love you. in the end he will probably laugh and not even bother saying it any more.
at his age the more you react to it the more he will try to use it to wind you up. if he says it to somebody outside your home, just tell them he hates everybody at the moment. its an age thing i'm afraid and if you do ignore it, he will grow out of that quite quickly.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): I would suggest that every time he tells you he hastes you say to him "oh that's very sad because I love you very much and give him a big hug - if he'll let you". It might take a few times repeating yourself but once he feels that he isn't making you cross or unhappy and that it doesn't matter whether what he says you still love him I'm sure he will stop.
Good luck
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