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female
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anonymous
writes: I am having trouble with my 9 year old daughter who has recently become quite rude and disobedient.I have tried smacking her but often she just refuses to get over my knee.What should I do? Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): Jadzia gave a good example on how to address your concerns and is one way of meeting the behaviour head on.
I think spanking at this point will only strengthen her resolve and her behaviour suggests she is struggling with a problem and at this time; listening and seeking a Family counsellor is a good option to explore.
I am going to suggest a good book that is designed for easy reading and when the advice is put into practice; can produce amazing and lasting results.
It is a book by Jo Frost titled, "Supernanny~How to Get the Best from Your Children"
Rule and routines are key in a child's development; have there been any recent changes?
Setting boundaries; what were in place before and do they need to be changed to accomodate her age or do they need to be re-inforced?
Is this something to do with social skills?
How is she disobedient and rude? Is this home influeneced or outside home influenced?
Stop the spankning and start listening and keep your eyes open and see what is hurting her and causing her to react the way she is.
Get some Family couselling and direction.
Read the book for some insight. I also recommend another book by Stephen R. Covey titled "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families" as well as another by this author titled " Seven Habits of a Healthy Home".
These reads offer an amazing insight and great wisdome and advice that anyone can follow and continue to practice.
I hope you find what your daughter and your home need and good luck.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 Being the mother of a young teenager and a primary school aged child I can tell you the best system we came up with for them.
First we sat down with all our children and wrote a list of unacceptable behaviors, having them list all they could think of then as parents we filled in the blanks. This list is hung where anyone can see it.
Each time a child does something on the list 30 minutes is taken off their bedtime. The first day they didn't think we would hold them to the 5pm bedtime but we did. It has worked like a charm ever since and we now have years of using this system.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 She is of an age where she will respond to a reward/ punishment system but you should apply this to all your children. You also have to be consistent with the scheme. If she is behaving badly, give her a warning followed by a punishment (remove tokens or something like that). If she is being good make sure she gets a reward token. When she has sufficient tokens then she should be given a treat. Children respond very well to this system, and it will last longer than a smack in terms of behavioural control.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I've tried all these things but at the end of the day find a good old fashioned smacked bottom works best.
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female
reader, ThePixie +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Well,
As a mother myself I find smacking is a short term solution at the best of times, and as you said, when they get bigger they can just refuse. I think it would be better to have clear punishments for unwanted behaviour that will really have an impact- like taking away something i.e her favourite toy, game, activity for the day. Be consistant and be prepared for some winging, but if she sees that her behaviour gets the good stuff she likes taken away, i'm sure she will start behaving better. As she is nine and old enough to understand, it's also a good idea to talk to her about why her rudeness is so offencive, but do this in a calm and measured manner when you're not in the middle of a battle with her. Point out to her how pleased you are with her when she is behaving nicely, and how horrid her rudeness is compared to the lovely girl you usually have. Point out that this upsets and displeases you and ask her if she understands. End the conversation with a nice hug and some positivity and make sure good behaviour is regularly noticed and rewarded. If only the bad behaviour is noticed and talked about she may do it to get your attention.
There is no hard and fast rule, all kids are different, but be paitent, and most of all the calmer you remain, the more in control you will look (and less in control she will feel) and you're more likely to get the response you want.
Good luck, hope any of this helps.
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