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female
,
anonymous
writes: What advice can someone give me to deal with a 4 (almost 5) year old WHO NEVER STOPS TALKING. He starts at 8 am and doesn't stop until 9-10 pm. ~By 3 pm everyday I have a splitting headache. I mean he can't go for more than 5 minutes without talking. He has no other health problems and attends school regularly. Help! Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, goldilox +, writes (3 September 2006):
"He starts at 8 am and doesn't stop until 9-10 pm"
My first thought is: why is he still awake at 9pm - 10pm?
One of the first things you can do is bring that bedtime forward. It will make sure he gets the sleep he needs, and that you have a bit more time to yourself. Let me know if you need advice on how to get him to go to bed earlier.
As for his talking the rest of the time, what is he talking about?
It is important to set aside time to truly listen to what he has to say - and more importantly to make him FEEL you are truly listening, and interested, in what he has to say.
You might try saying to him gently: "One moment, sweetheart, I can't listen right now, I'm just in the middle of xxx, I'll be with you in two minutes." If he continues to talk, repeat what you said calmly - without annoyance. Then make sure that after 2 minutes YOU ask HIM what he was saying - and listen with both ears : )
Now, if he keeps talking during those two minutes after you've explained to him the second time, don't respond. If he becomes upset, repeat what you said earlier with compassion - try not to show agitation.
I would actually set this up several times a day to begin with. Get involved with something, and start with asking him to wait just 2 minutes - no longer. You can then build on that later.
When he does keep quiet and waits as you asked - even if it's not for the whole two minutes - as long as it's for the last part, until you ask him to continue - it's vital you thank him for waiting. I would say something along the lines of "Okay sweetheart, thanks for waiting, what was it you wanted to say?"
The most important points are:
* try to remain calm and speak to him with compassion
* when you do listen - make sure he feels he has your full attention
* don't let him prattle on without listening or without asking him to wait
* if you are consistant and compassionate, it will get better
* make sure your face lights up when he enters the room
Making your child feel listened to and understood can change who he is.
Another point is don't tell him he talks too much. Children will strive to live up to what we tell them that we believe about them. They do this unconciously. When he has been quiet for a while make sure you tell him he is such a sweet and considerate child and you're very proud of him. Tell him he is the best child in the world.
If you do this at every opportunity, over time, you will be absolutely right.
A
female
reader, goldilox +, writes (3 September 2006):
"He starts at 8 am and doesn't stop until 9-10 pm"
My first thought is: why is he still awake at 9pm - 10pm?
One of the first things you can do is bring that bedtime forward. It will make sure he gets the sleep he needs, and that you have a bit more time to yourself. Let me know if you need advice on how to get him to go to bed earlier.
As for his talking the rest of the time, what is he talking about?
It is important to set aside time to truly listen to what he has to say - and more importantly to make him FEEL you are truly listening, and interested, in what he has to say.
You might try saying to him gently: "One moment, sweetheart, I can't listen right now, I'm just in the middle of xxx, I'll be with you in two minutes." If he continues to talk, repeat what you said calmly - without annoyance. Then make sure that after 2 minutes YOU ask HIM what he was saying - and listen with both ears : )
Now, if he keeps talking during those two minutes after you've explained to him the second time, don't respond. If he becomes upset, repeat what you said earlier with compassion - try not to show agitation.
I would actually set this up several times a day to begin with. Get involved with something, and start with asking him to wait just 2 minutes - no longer. You can then build on that later.
When he does keep quiet and waits as you asked - even if it's not for the whole two minutes - as long as it's for the last part, until you ask him to continue - it's vital you thank him for waiting. I would say something along the lines of "Okay sweetheart, thanks for waiting, what was it you wanted to say?"
The most important points are:
* try to remain calm and speak to him with compassion
* when you do listen - make sure he feels he has your full attention
* don't let him prattle on without listening or without asking him to wait
* if you are consistant and compassionate, it will get better
* make sure your face lights up when he enters the room
Making your child feel listened to and understood can change who he is.
Another point is don't tell him he talks too much. Children will strive to live up to what we tell them that we believe about them. They do this unconciously. When he has been quiet for a while make sure you tell him he is such a sweet and considerate child and you're very proud of him. Tell him he is the best child in the world.
If you do this at every opportunity, over time, you will be absolutely right.
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A
male
reader, CaringConcernedGuy +, writes (31 August 2006):
I have been searchingthe internet for information related to a child constantly talking. I know a 7 year old that talks from morning to night. In pre-school it was an issue, in Kindergarten, in 1st grade...now 2nd grade....even the school is getting tired of this constatnt interuption. School has only been in session 4 days..and he got a disciplinary action card that takes 5 days of rule breaking to get. (twice in 1 day.) Same rule over and over...he talks during classes even while the teacher teaches. I am not sure about the advice I see about letting kids talk...but that was followed in his early years..and now he has no control and is getting in trouble for not stop talking. I have no education in this matter and am looking for websites or palces I can go and/or send the mother for guidance. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): Maybe this is a good thing that your child is talking ! Atleast he knows how to and that he is not afraid !
Maybe think about why he is talking so much. Is he bored? Keep him occupied with fun activities to do like reading, playing with toys, or even play a game with him like hide and seek because then he will have to be quiet!
Maybe your son is doing this for attention. Does he have enough attention in your home? Sit down with him once a day and speak to him in a calm voice and maybe he will copy. If not, ask him to.
You should not be so aggrivated that your son is talking as this is also a good thing, even though it can be annoying !
Also find out why he is talking so much. Is he exited? If he is try and calm him down and try to teach him how to express his feeling in a different way.
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A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (6 August 2006):
 Hello, I had the exact opposite problem, my first son's speach was delayed. I had similiar problems with a 4 year old girl that I babysit for. I purchased some training material for younger children on sign language and I would make a game out of this silent speach whenever I felt my ears being overwhelmed. She enjoyed it and we learned a really valuable tool together. I also bought some tapes designed to teach a pre-schooler Spanish and she loved this.
Just hang in there and rememer to laugh :)
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Don't stop his talking - his brain is continuing to develop for language and his vocabulary will improve with practise at constructing sentences. There are many parents of speech or developmentally delayed children who would envy your position. By all means teach his about appropriate language interaction - like turn taking in conversation and pausing, but don't tell him to stop talking as it is his way of exploring this new and exciting world of family, school and his community. If he is driving you to painkillers for your head then you need to give him cognitively stimulating tasks to do - puzzles and stuff like that - it will distract him from you for a while if it is challenging for him.
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