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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a single mum with 12 and 10 year old sons. I work and on WTC. My ex won't pay the maintenance so I fight constantly with the CSA, he has seen the kids twice in 7 yrs. I get very little support from my family. I am bored, lonely, skint, harrassed, frightened of the future and feel as if the world is against me. The government seems convinced that getting us back to work is the answer, but what about the rest of live? I live in the costwold, where unless you are rich or very poor you don't exist, there is nothing to do that I can afford. My kids give me constant pressure about the right clothes, the right holidays, the right clubs, all of which cost a fortune, I can't compete. I don't know where to go from here. I want real option. Not unrealistic options about joining a babysitting circle or some expensive singles club (they all cast £100 for 3 months plus £50 for each meal you attend around here) or something which involves relying on someone to have my kids (won't happen) so if anyone has any ideas I would be grateful. All my single parent friends have now met partners and moved on as their partners or family support them. I can't beleive I am the only sad single parent who get very little support from any one. Have had years of councelling, meet a mum and gingerbread don't exist here, so don't go there,I have tried everything. If anyone can help I would be most grateful.sarah Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, rcn  + ♥, writes (17 January 2008):
 I know counseling sometimes doesn't work, mainly because there is no real fix asside from what we do ourselves. The system stinks, it needs to be torn apart and rebuild and maybe meeting the needs of current times would be a nice start.
You've had some obsticals to face, and are still doing so, but that doesn't mean the world is against you. It just means you have to work harder to overcome them. I know, what does this guy know? I'm a single parent. My children are 17 (boy), 13 (girl), 11 (girl), and 8 (girl). They are all the love of my life. I'm also 36 years old and just now graduated from college. I thought I was a bit old, but figure it was a good time to begin my future, because 15 years ago, I still partied and didn't take education serious.
Now look at your life from two directions. You're obligation to yourself, and your obligation to your children. To yourself, you need to work on defining who you are as a person, really getting to know yourself. Being against the "world" so to speak, your indirectly teaching your kids, don't try, you'll just fail.
Take a piece of paper and write down who you are as a person, your personalities, interests, hobbies, dreams, things your good at, etc. My self analysis was over 20 pages long. I want you to dig deep.
Did you know by doing this, you'll probably find at least one thing your good at, that you may not have a life long job doing, you may be able to offer a service to others and work out of your home to build your networth.
The point is, when the system stinks, and help isn't available, ther's only one thing left to do, take complete control yourself and develop your direction.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 You are not sad...you got some great kids (albeit probably driving you crackers in the summer holidays with all this rain!). The UK is not a single parent friendly country but you have to work with what you got. All kids demand Nike trainers and the latest playstation...as a parent you can teach them some good life lessons by not giving into their demands. I was brought up in a really poor household - I never had any pocket money, never had new clothes and if we sold our toys it all went in the family pot for the bills. I worked from the age of 8 on a paper-round and had various jobs as a teenager. My point is that it drove ambition into me to get on in life and not expecting hand outs...the kids who get everything they demand are no more happy so don't feel bad about having to budget and say no to them with pride. As for your career crisis, it is hard to know what to suggest without knowing about your background, any qualifications etc. Your best option would be to book an appointment with a careers advisor who maybe able to give you advice on retraining etc. I am not suggesting you go to see one of those job centre 'jobsworths' but most council's run independent careers advice services for adults or failing that some citizens advice bureaus run employment-related sessions. An alternative would be to start your own business from home. Some people make a livelihood ebaying or offering services on the net for example. You would need to come up with a good idea - a niche in the market - that interests you. Clearly your initial outlay wouldn't be the same as renting a shop or something like that. By working for yourself then you wouldn't have to worry so much about babysitting. It may also get you out and about meeting people for business purposes - finding stock etc - that turn into friends. I do some freelance work sometimes and I have met a lot of good contacts this way.
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