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female
age
41-50,
*evjan
writes: I am a lone parent and my son is 10. Lately he has been having problems with anger and getting into trouble at school. He seems happy at school and his teacher says he is popular with lots of friends, but we've recently had several 'incidents'. Today was the worst of all when he got angry with a boy who 'kept trying to sit on him' and my son bit him. As you can imagine I was horrified-I'd not be surprised if he was aged 2, but at 10?I asked him why and he said he 'went over the top' because he was angry. I asked him why he hadn't just walked away to cool off and he said that if he did the boy 'would have won and got his friends'. I pointed out that he won't have any friends like this anyway. Please help-I don't know how to handle this? The school punished him by taking away his playtime and not allowing him to do art that day, but they are looking to me to follow it up at home and I don't know how. I don't want to act in haste or anger?thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): Thank You-that's really good advice. My son does not have ADHD though-the doctor says there is nothing wrong like that, because I wondered about that myself.
Things are actually much better now-he seems to have settled. He has his moments, but who doesn't? School has reported a change in his behaviour too.
I also saw him naked last week for the first time in over a year-and I realised that he is actually starting to go through puberty, which might explain some of the mood swings!!
A
female
reader, mom2kole  +, writes (20 July 2007):
How is your son doing now? I married my husband when my stepson was ten. He was charming and able to get along well with people. However there were times he would "lose it". He would kind of zone out, get glassy-eyed and withdraw, throw things around, or hit. He was suspended once for three (3) days from school. We took him to a psychologist and to a psychiatrist, and he was diagnosed with ADHD. With medication, his behavior leveled out. And taking him to a local church on Wednesday nights was a great outlet, as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): its hard to comment when you dont give much away, does your son still see his father? does he have a male role model. I know some may think that it does not matter if the father is there or not and that a lone parent (mother) can perfectly cope on their own playing both roles.
I am not saying its not true because there are lots of women out there that manage just fine, but thats because every child is different. I have no doubt in my mind that you are a good mother, otherwise you wouldnt be here worried about your son.
A child rarely acts up for no reason, 99% of the time there is always a reason somewhere - finding it is the difficult part.
How is your relationship with your son, can you talk to him openly? do you both sit down and have chats about your feelings.
i know there are a lot of children out in our world who do not know how to show their emotions because they have never been taught to do so, when parents find it hard to talk to their parents sometimes it rubs off on the children.
I would personally sit my child down and talk about what he did to that boy. I would start off by telling him his not in trouble and that i just wanted to have a little chat with him.
Start off by asking him what he thinks the chat is about. If he doesnt know and has no idea then say to him its about biting that boy.
Ask him how he would feel if someone did that to him. This can now go either way, he could get a little angry and say things like - he dont care or he would just bite them back. Or he could show some remorse and try and explain to you that he never meant to do it, or even give you more reasons to why he did it.
He might be popular in school and have lots of friends but it seems that he thought his friendship was going to be taken away if he did walk off, this is a really big deal for him, this would for me would suggest someone who he has been close to has walked away from him or let him down.
Dont be too hard on yourself and dont be too hard on your son, sit down and try and talk to him about what he did, try and get to the bottom of it and explain to him no matter how angry he gets hurting others will not make him feel better it will just make him feel worse.
Make sure you tell him how much you love him whilst you talk to him, reassure him that he can tell you anything even if you dont like it, you will listen and you will help him.
I would also find out if he has been or is being bullied, just because a child is popular doesnt mean they dont get bullied. Some children who have been bullied can turn into a bully because they get so far deep down in emotions its like they blow a fuse by not standing for the bullying they result in bullying themself. These children can easily be talked around because they know what its like to be bullied.
I hope this has helped you even if only a little bit, i have just gave you my opinions on a few different things, remember its just my opinion so it doesnt always count for much but it might help.
good luck with your son
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