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female
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anonymous
writes: my 13yr old is refusing school and is very aggresive to me she is very popular has lots of friends and doesn't have any problems at school can anybody give me any tips i am a single mum Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): Ok but everyone is failing to ask the obvious question...
I know things are hard at school sometimes...and I can't help you if I don't understand. Can you explain to me why you don't want to go to school? Then close your mouth and open your mommy ears. If she's so popular and has no problems....she would want to be there. Something has happened...you may find it Silly...but to her it is bigger than life. Good grief...Schools are scary places these days. Don't assume its like when you were a kid. Kids go to school and DIE now....If adult teachers are scared enough to rethink a career choice...what are we doing to kids....they have no choice and are now Locked in school like Jail in some places.
Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for these days and the boys are sneaker about sexual harassment...and a friend of mine just had a note sent home....because two 14 year olds were giving each other oral sex on the bus. It is not like it used to be...please talk kindly to her and Listen to everything before jumping in to tell her that she's being childish.
It could be that someone is teasing her...or has threatened her...but she's terrified to tell you. My daughters boyfriend last month was the center of a big death threat....a 13 year old had actually Paid several of his friends to help him beat this boy to death with a hammer...and paid another boy to video tape it. That boy got scared and told. The boys were in deep as you can imagine and they said they really were not mad at this smart nice boy....but it just seemed like a fun thing to do.
Boy I could rant about the crazy school stuff for a long time. Talk to her. There is a reason.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Back to fundamental rules. What are they? You need to make your expectations and consequences clear. I find that giving is also your ammo to taking away. Malls and phones (cell and land line), computer chats...all that is not a "right." It's earned privileges.
Take it all away if you need to. Swift and short is more effective. Don't be manipulated. These girls grow up too fast no thanks to television and society.
You may want to find out more about school, is she having a problem that you don't know about. You'd be surpised what you DON'T know. Is she okay? Self mutilation is popular these days.
Stand firm Mom. Be consistent. And don't forget to praise acceptable behaviour.
Set healthy boundaries. As an adult she'll apply them as well.
Hope this helps.
Ciao!
Donna
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