A
male
age
41-50,
*OOLCHILLIE
writes:My daughter is 10 years old and doesnt know i'm her father. Her mother is in a relationship with a man since our daughter was born but doesnt know how to tell her the truth. Any ideas as to how she can do it? I buy her clothes and presents and give money towards education, holidays etc. but she doesnt know me and I really do want to see her and have a father/daughter relationship. The other man knows i'm the father but not about my involvement. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): This is very difficult and should have been done years ago. I'd sit her down and just talk to her. Let her know what's going on. Since you haven't been active as a father to this point, the difficulty is going to be developing the trust between you and her.
When exercising visits with her, I'd first begin at her home, or somewhere she's knows, and is comfortable with. I would also request for a period of time to have her mom present during those. At the beginning, just a couple of hours at the park and stuff of that sort is good. Then you can start to weed the mother out of the visits and do like an afternoon, plus dinner. Then work your way up for the overnight visit. There's no telling how long this process takes from one to another, at 10, you'll know when it's time. She'll tell you. Such as when it's time for her to go with her mom, and she asks if she can come with you instead, that's a sign she's ready for the next level.
I wish you luck, take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Why have you waited so long to have a relationship with your daughter? The answer is important. What will the impact be on your daughters life if she is told that you are her dad? She will possibly be angry and confused. Are you prepared to make a long term emotional (not just financial) committment to your daughter? Think carefully about all these things. If you still wish to go ahead and tell her you are her dad, then you and your ex wife and her partner need to meet and discuss and agree on the best way to start bringing you into contact with your daughter. As soon as is possible, you should all get together and tell your daughter the truth and be prepared for possible rejection (initially) and be patient. Children are not stupid and do not wish to be lied to. Imagine how you would feel if a stranger approached you and said he was YOUR dad?
Good luck.
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