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female
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*C966
writes: Hi, I am having problems with my 15yr old step daughter. I think she has been bad mouthing me and her dad to her grand parents and her aunt and uncle (this is her mums parents and her mums sister and brother-in-law). My husband (step daughters dad) read her text messages on her mobile phone and she had been saying things to her uncle. Also i think she has been saying things to him on msn. I want to save all her conversations and read them to make sure she isnt doing this. Am i wrong in doing this without telling her and then reading her conversations back? All this has been happening because she has been asked to do a few jobs round the house. She hasnt been asked to do much and when i think back to when i was 15 i did a lot more than what she does. She gets asked occaisionally to bring the washing in from the line or to wash a few dishes or maybe hoover or polish her own bedroom, nothing major i dont think. Reply to this Question
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reader, chellxx +, writes (4 October 2006):
 This sounds like quite normal teenage behaviour,
I do not think you should read what she is writing on msn as this will cause alot more upset and bad mouthing, but you must let her know that this is not acceptable and get her father to back you up.
The issues of getting her to help around the house her bedroom should be her responsabilty meaning that you do not go in there to tidy up or get dirty washing etc if she wants to live in a pig sty so be it, believe me it works it did with my eldest son and my daughter and now my 13 year old son. the other thing that i found worked was if they brought down a mountain of washing they had to wash it. If she has money from you or wants money for things then a new rule should be only if she helps around the house. I'v found this helps and also teaches her that if you want something in life you have to work for it, and also gives her good life skills for later on in life.
If you are on good terms with her aunt and uncle and grandparents have a quite word with them or get your husband to.
Try not to let her know that it bothers you to much as teenagers are very good at knowing what buttons to press to wind you up and making you out to be the bad guy and of cause this is always easier to do it with her mums family as they dont know you as well and she can make you out to be the wicked witch of the west.
I hope this helps
Good luck
take care
Chellxx
A
female
reader, SassySarah +, writes (4 October 2006):
all kids bad mouth thair parents the question is do you really think your going to like what you read if there is anything have you tryed just asking her if any things wrong and being prepaired to come to compromise ? eg if she tidys up youll let her stay out half an hour later at the weekend or something like that personaly i wouldnt spy on her if she is doing this it may only be to let off steamif you dont get anything sorted with her then try asking grandparents if she has mentioned anything to them explaine you think there is something wrong but dont know what dont tell them you have read txt messages on her phone it will make things worse good luck hope this helps
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