| A
female
age
41-50,
*ean
writes: I am the sort of part time stepmother of a nine year old, whose mother lives very close by and we avoid due to her nature, but we have the daughter here overnight up to three times a week. The mother, (will call her Sue) works in an OAP home and is very bossy/domineering/manipulative,(but not in a clever way) and tends to victimize/use those below her who are weak. She is apparently dreadful to the old folk, but feigns a charitable job is the reason for her working there, as opposed to her domineering, vindictive nature.She is actually very wary of me, due to my intelligence, and reputation as not to be messed with and refusal to enter into her small minded, well documented, nosey ramblings and general grandiose notions. She is so self-orientated that when her daughter bought home certificates that she, (had felt the need to), forge, I was the only one that noticed and did something about it. The local consensus is that the daughter has a lot of respect for me and her dad, but gets confused as her mum puts on down willy nilly. Every time she calls to speak to her daughter she asks a series of questions as to what/who is there etc, virtually using her daughter as a veichle for information. Her mother bullies her and overlooks all sorts of things. She is often picked up from school by drunken friends of the mother and seems humiliated alot of the time. Her father and I have ensured that she does sports lessons now, which she loves, to attempt to instil a bit of discipline.When my partner was with her, she frequently used food as a weapon when she had gone too far; she would ply him with all sorts of 'goodies'. The daughter has over the last three years put on alot of weight, and is made to wear clothes that are too small and reveal her rear and portly belly. She is now being bullied a little over it.With Christmas coming up, the mother, her gran, and the aunty spend a ridiculous amount, ( I believe on sentimental toss to make up for inadequacies in other areas). When the daughter was six, the gran spent seven hunded pounds on her at xmas. Now my partner and I are struggling. If we mention it, she will make it worse as she is always trying to find ways to create drama/befriend me. She makes her friends call her 'The Lovely Sue', on her envelopes at xmas and uses all her old cards to cover the walls to create a pseudo amount of friends. We cannot approach her about this directly, as she would accuse us of calling her daughter fat and create a bigger issue towards the daughter than need be created. This is a crucial time in the little girls development and we are concerned she may develop a complex.She is set to have her xmas at home, with the three relatives, referred to locally as the 'inbred witches'. Due to her grans inheritance, she will again be stuffed to the max with gifts and food at xmas. She is actually very pretty. Some have suggested jealousy on her mothers part, (who prides herself on her bubbly personality to 'get' men. She never stops talking basically.Sorry if this does not make much sense, but we are concerned as every time we see her she has put on weight, despite excercising as much as a normal kid her age. How best can we approach this. We try to educate her as best we can.Many thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, accused  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Hi I sorry to hear that a child has to grow up with such a mother.... but if her mother is letting DRUNKEN friends pick her up then that is putting your step daughters life at risk.... So yes you and your husband needs to do something...... "If only I had" statements came sometimes come a little too late..... best of luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Dear Jean, Although, I know exactly what you are going through here, I can only empathise with you, as I am going through an exactly similar situation.
My only advice to you, would be, to be brave, take the bull by the horns and confront this woman, and let her know what your concerns are, in a cool, calm, and almost deadly chilling manner.
Plan your words carefully, with almost military precision, which will stop this lady almost dead in her tracks, and tell her exactly everything that you would like to say, if you cant face confrontation in person, then try doing it over the telephone, which may help.
I hope that this information both helps and works.
But most of all, be brave...!
All the best,
Engine
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