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female
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leahlouise
writes: My daughter is nearly 2, i raised her totally alone for a year but now i have lived with my new partner for nearly a year. My partner is fantastic with her and treats her as his own, all his family love her and spoil her rotten. My boyfriends parents look after her regular which is lovely and i really appreciate. Trouble is whenever my daughter comes back from a day at his parents she acts spoiled, she paddys and stamps her feet till she gets her own way. Its awful because before she met them when i was doing it alone she was an angel, so well behaved but now because they let her get away with murder i`m afraid shes gunna grow up to be spoiled. I don`t really have the courage to tell them to stop letting her get away with things cos i don`t wanna hurt them, what should i do? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, goldilox +, writes (3 September 2006):
It would be best to have a chat with them if you can - although, it's important to bear in mind that some people do find it very difficult to put their foot down with children - especially if it is not their own child.
If you either can't bring yourself to speak to them, or it doesn't get the result you want, the best way to handle your daughter when she comes back from being spoilt, is to remain calm and firm. Continue to keep your standards as they always have been. Don't give in to her.
Try not to get emotional about it. You are still the adult in charge. Children learn to adjust to different people. Just because she gets her own way with your boyfriend's parents when she stamps her feet, doesn't mean you have to give in to her as well. Let her stamp her feet. Try to remain calm, loving and gentle, but firm.
If, for example, she throws a tantrum because she can't have something, say something along the lines of "I'm sorry sweetie, I'd love to let you have it, but unfortunately I can't." If she continues, ignore it for a while, and if she still continues perhaps try a minute of "time-out".
It's most important you make sure you always follow through - try and be consistant in your following through.
If you stick to your rules and methods, she will eventually adapt. She will probably still play up when she is with your boyfriend's parents, but she will learn that it works on some people, and not on others.
Hope this helps : )
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): Hi, I am in exactly the same situation! And you do have to speak up lets face it, at the end of the day we are the ones to take care of them while they are throwing these tantrums!!
I personally find that sitting and chatting with my boyfriends parents often helps, I make a point of explaining to them that my daughter plays up when she doesnt get her own way, then I ask that they dont give in to her as easy because ultimately it make things difficult for me. Try this and if it doesnt work try asking your boyfriend to have a chat with them!
Hope I've helped!!
x
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